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Natasha says, “The main con is that it is guaranteed that this person has a ton of hang-ups and emotional baggage.They may well be using other ways to 'act out' now that using or drinking is off the table.”My own experience with the program is that other addictions sometimes run rampant, morphing into other areas of their lives. Many people, when they finally get sober, develop issues with food, gambling, sex, and spending.
She also finds that leaving behind your addict identity can be helpful.“The pros are that you can reinvent who you are and not just be ‘an addict,’” Sam says.We get so many amazing tools in the program, and if you take them and run with them, then you can be a stellar human and the best version of yourself possible.” But, even she’s been ambivalent.“There have been times when I’ve told myself I would never date a guy in recovery again, but I've wavered. [The relationships] can be the absolute worst or the best.”That’s because, beyond the threat of relapse, those in recovery can sometimes substitute one addiction for another.“My boyfriend now — who is not in the program — doesn't see me as an addict.He sees me as a smart, fun, sexy, loving mom who doesn't drink and who has changed her life. It's also awesome to have a reprieve from the world of AA, which, quite honestly, can be a fucking bore.”And, the cons of dating people who aren’t sober? And, the differences in lifestyle that don’t feel huge in the beginning of a relationship can begin to take a toll down the line.